We were recently at a friend's house for a homeschooling playgroup. Our children are all varied in ages from 2 years through 7 years old. All of us are spiritual mommas, and have a deep love for God, though our specific ideas of God may vary.
As the group was coming to an end, we staying late to eat lunch with the host family. We two mommas were making peanut butter and honey sandwiches for our kiddos. Then the other mom when to tidy up a bit, in the other room, as I finished in the kitchen, as she was getting ready for a birthday party for her eldest daughter. We had hurried through lunch, sort of by accident, since everyone was so hungry, that we had forgotten to pray before eating. (I still wasn't noticing this at this point.) I called out to my friend B. "Thank you so much B. for providing food for us for our lunch. I really appreciate it!" (I'm still forgetting God here....but my daughter isn't.) My daughter (The not quite 4 and a half year old) calls out, "And don't forget God!". Oh my! "Yes!" us moms call out together. "Let's not forget God. Thank you God for providing us with food." Amen daughter! Thank you!
I am so grateful that though I do my best to bring God into our daily activities, I forget something. But my daughter gets it, and wants it.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Staying Present while Playing
One of the reasons I think of parenting as a meditation is because of the similar feeling I get when meditating and when playing. I think play is the main way that children pray. They are already connected to God, and use play to work out their hardships in order to stay present and connected to God and to other humans.
I struggle with meditating. My mind wanders, I notice it wandering and I bring it back to the present, to my breath or whatever I am focusing on at the moment. I don't hate myself for having a mind that wanders, I like Pema Chodron's idea of when you notice yourself thinking so simply say "thinking" with the gentleness of the touch of a feather (or bubble?) (obviously, I'm paraphrasing) in order to bring yourself back to the now, with lovingkindness for yourself, rather than using meditation as another way to beat yourself up.
Well, I believe in playing WITH your child(ren). I believe that young people (and all people for that matter) do better with some loving attention from each other. We are all connected, and it is through present-time connection that we can really notice that. But playing with my Sweet Darling, is not always what I'd consider "fun". I have been known to avoid it, much like I have been known to avoid meditating. There are SO many things on my list that HAVE to get done before I can play or meditate. And that list never gets done. And my life goes better when I just do it, even if it is only for a short period of time. I use a timer for both meditating and playing, so that I can not have worry in the back of my head pulling my attention away. The timer is set, and I can now choose to be present for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 30 minutes 45 minutes or an hour (to be honest, that rarely happens that I play for an hours straight with perfect attention). And when I choose to be present in play, I allow myself to get swept up in the play, just like I would have allowed myself to as a child. As a young person, I would have more than allowed myself to get swept up in the play, that was the entire purpose of the play, to be there, in it, completely absorbed, a hundred percent. To be completely present while playing, which then allows things to bubble up: feeling lonely, feeling a lack of power because I am young and big people make most my decisions for me, feeling scared or confused about any number of things.
Play allows those feelings to bubble up, and then we got to play about them and release them, so that the did not become lodged into us. I think this process happens even more perfectly with the loving attention of a playful parent who understands what you are doing, and jumps in and leaves judgment and analysis out and just plays with you in present time. I think this is what God does with us--God just stays present with us and offers us unconditional loving attention, and we make great use of it, when we choose to notice it and connect with it--so do our kids. They connect with God through us, as well as with us.
I struggle with meditating. My mind wanders, I notice it wandering and I bring it back to the present, to my breath or whatever I am focusing on at the moment. I don't hate myself for having a mind that wanders, I like Pema Chodron's idea of when you notice yourself thinking so simply say "thinking" with the gentleness of the touch of a feather (or bubble?) (obviously, I'm paraphrasing) in order to bring yourself back to the now, with lovingkindness for yourself, rather than using meditation as another way to beat yourself up.
Well, I believe in playing WITH your child(ren). I believe that young people (and all people for that matter) do better with some loving attention from each other. We are all connected, and it is through present-time connection that we can really notice that. But playing with my Sweet Darling, is not always what I'd consider "fun". I have been known to avoid it, much like I have been known to avoid meditating. There are SO many things on my list that HAVE to get done before I can play or meditate. And that list never gets done. And my life goes better when I just do it, even if it is only for a short period of time. I use a timer for both meditating and playing, so that I can not have worry in the back of my head pulling my attention away. The timer is set, and I can now choose to be present for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 30 minutes 45 minutes or an hour (to be honest, that rarely happens that I play for an hours straight with perfect attention). And when I choose to be present in play, I allow myself to get swept up in the play, just like I would have allowed myself to as a child. As a young person, I would have more than allowed myself to get swept up in the play, that was the entire purpose of the play, to be there, in it, completely absorbed, a hundred percent. To be completely present while playing, which then allows things to bubble up: feeling lonely, feeling a lack of power because I am young and big people make most my decisions for me, feeling scared or confused about any number of things.
Play allows those feelings to bubble up, and then we got to play about them and release them, so that the did not become lodged into us. I think this process happens even more perfectly with the loving attention of a playful parent who understands what you are doing, and jumps in and leaves judgment and analysis out and just plays with you in present time. I think this is what God does with us--God just stays present with us and offers us unconditional loving attention, and we make great use of it, when we choose to notice it and connect with it--so do our kids. They connect with God through us, as well as with us.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Do grown-ups need to play?
This is, of course a question that my daughter asked me quite a few months ago. Obviously, I haven't posted in quite a while, for whatever reasons. But, this is a question that really stuck with me. She's a smart person. She notices that adults have trouble playing. And specifically, we have trouble playing WITH young people.
"Yes", I replied to her, "but the often forget that." She is good at reminding me about staying present, and about working out and releasing our problems as they are happening, or as soon as possible. She likes to work things out through play, preferably, with loving, active, attention from a loving adult, often (but not always nor only) me.
One of the major themes of her life is missing her Papa. I am blessed to be a stay at home parent. Her father is blessed to have a job that supplies us with the money that we use to live here on planet Earth, and to live the life we live together. And yes, she (we) wishes that he could be home with us all the time, (and have money). So we play games where he's home, and we talk to him, and answer for him. We just started doing this around the time Aminah asked me this question, (last spring, I think). So one morning, we played a lot in bed before coming down for breakfast. I was really hungry. Aminah was wanting to play something and I was wanting to eat, but not cook, and then go and do something that I wanted and needed to do before starting to play with her. She kept insisting that I play with her, and I applaud her for not giving up on what she thinks is important (I mean this most sincerely, though sometimes it makes it more challenging to deal with). So I got angry, and said "NO" urgently and lacking warmth and love. She looked really hurt, and I caught myself. "How about we play about this instead of me getting mad?" (a pattern of mine that we could all do without). So I yelled out to the kitchen, "Hey Papa! Please make me and Aminah some breakfast, so I can play with her and not worry about how long it will take to make breakfast!" which really helped me to playfully explain to her why I had lost my temper (I had been worrying about feeling hungry and the time it took to make eggs--which yes, I know is fairly quick, but not always when you let your feelings get in the way of reality.). We both started laughing. She yelled something out to him too, but I forget what just now. The entire situation turned around. I came back to present time, all through play. We got to play while making and eating breakfast, then we figured out the rest of our morning with a more loving and playful tone.
Yes, grown ups need to play too, and they do tend to forget how helpful genuine play can heal and help bring us into the present moment.
"Yes", I replied to her, "but the often forget that." She is good at reminding me about staying present, and about working out and releasing our problems as they are happening, or as soon as possible. She likes to work things out through play, preferably, with loving, active, attention from a loving adult, often (but not always nor only) me.
One of the major themes of her life is missing her Papa. I am blessed to be a stay at home parent. Her father is blessed to have a job that supplies us with the money that we use to live here on planet Earth, and to live the life we live together. And yes, she (we) wishes that he could be home with us all the time, (and have money). So we play games where he's home, and we talk to him, and answer for him. We just started doing this around the time Aminah asked me this question, (last spring, I think). So one morning, we played a lot in bed before coming down for breakfast. I was really hungry. Aminah was wanting to play something and I was wanting to eat, but not cook, and then go and do something that I wanted and needed to do before starting to play with her. She kept insisting that I play with her, and I applaud her for not giving up on what she thinks is important (I mean this most sincerely, though sometimes it makes it more challenging to deal with). So I got angry, and said "NO" urgently and lacking warmth and love. She looked really hurt, and I caught myself. "How about we play about this instead of me getting mad?" (a pattern of mine that we could all do without). So I yelled out to the kitchen, "Hey Papa! Please make me and Aminah some breakfast, so I can play with her and not worry about how long it will take to make breakfast!" which really helped me to playfully explain to her why I had lost my temper (I had been worrying about feeling hungry and the time it took to make eggs--which yes, I know is fairly quick, but not always when you let your feelings get in the way of reality.). We both started laughing. She yelled something out to him too, but I forget what just now. The entire situation turned around. I came back to present time, all through play. We got to play while making and eating breakfast, then we figured out the rest of our morning with a more loving and playful tone.
Yes, grown ups need to play too, and they do tend to forget how helpful genuine play can heal and help bring us into the present moment.
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