Of course, right? I say this to my daughter when she asks me why am I with her. (Why she asks is because she sees and hears about so many kids being alone or without their parents)
And now she follows me around saying this to me. We turn it into a song as well, "I love you and so I want to be with you". The tune and exact lyrics seem to change from day to day, but the idea is there.
I have had the tendency in my past to be quite independent, not wanting intruders in my life uninvited. I would feel bogged down, or annoyed to have someone follow me around just to be with me. I would feel watched, judged or like I was supposed to entertain. I admit, some of these feelings have come up for me as a parent, but then, I remember, my goals of connection, togetherness, and being present.
I intend to stay present, and therefore connected to God at all times. I think it makes sense to do my best to stay connected to God's creatures as well. I think it makes sense to say close to other humans, "just because".
I also believe that many of us are urged to become independent from quite an early age. It's very respected to have a baby and/or toddler that doesn't cry, doesn't ask for much, and is content to play by him or herself. Most people train their babies and young children to be okay being on their own, to sleep alone, play alone, sooth themselves when they get hurt or upset. I think this is a wasted opportunity for closeness and for getting to really know each other. I have consciously decided to stay close to her and to use having a child as an opportunity to figure out closeness in general with other people, animals and God.
God (or the Universe, or however you think of this Great Presence) is always with us because God loves us. Period. No other reason. Why not do our best to mimic this and not try to figure out how to be alone so often. Why not just be near someone because we can? I choose to keep trying this and see what happens. I choose to know that I am loved and that I am loving, just because I am. My daughter helps me to remember this.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
Choosing To Play
I believe in adults playing with children. All children, of all ages, get more out of life if their parents, other family members, friends and/or caretakers play with them. Children depend on adults to take care of their needs. Food, water, shelter, clothes and, in my opinion, play. Children use play to figure out life. And what better way to connect with your kid, than through play?
Now, when I was in childcare, this was easy peasy for me. I got paid, primarily, to play with kids one on one, sometimes 2 on one. Yes, I fed them and cleaned up after them, but mostly, we played. I was always good at child led playing too. I let them make up the rules of the games as we went. I let them lead the way to the playground, in which a 10 minute brisk walk turned into an hour and half of leisurely exploration, before playing at the playground. (I may get this from my mom, who turned every walk to the grocery store, bank or post office into and "adventure".) I happily played hide-and-seek for well over an hour, and could follow anyone's lead in any sort of animal or doll game that involved capturing and setting free over and over and over again. I was good at getting kids to laugh and laugh and I too had fun with them.
Then, I became a parent. And then, it all changed. I had so many responsibilities other than play, and I was no longer being paid by the hour to play. When my daughter was a baby, it was much easier to decide to play with her, as excitement was high about being new parents and neither Delightful Husband nor I cared much about keeping the house in tip top shape. But as Sweet Darling grew, and her idea of fun changed, and the new parent excitement started to wane, and the house started to need more attention, well, it was harder to just decide to play. A lot of people told me I should enroll in classes together, and get childcare, and sign up for as many things as I could to help pass the time and to help entertain my daughter. This was not the answer I was looking for. Not only could we not afford any of it, as I chose to be a stay at home mom, but also, my goal as a parent was not to simply keep my daughter entertained.
I also got lots of advice about leaving the house in order to focus on play, and not the house, which was useful, and we did (and still do), but Sweet Darling was looking for me to play with her in our house too.
A friend, who had older children, told me that what she does is use a kitchen timer. She sets it for a certain time and that is the time that she plays with her kids. Sounded great, so I gave it a try. It worked wonderfully! I knew there was an ending to the play, and therefore I could get into playing and enjoying myself with Sweet Darling. She had my loving attention and we started really enjoying each other. But sure enough, after I started doing house cleaning, or bills, or whatever I had to do, she was start to pull at me and want to go back to playing. I was torn. I wanted to play her all day long, but the house needed cleaning, food needed cooking and bills needed to be paid. Not to mention I love to sew and crochet and knit and needlefelt. How is a mother suppose to fit it all into a day? Well, I figured I could make the timer work for us. So I decided to set the timer for 20 or 30 minutes to play with Sweet Darling. Then I set it for 20 or 30 minutes for us to do housework together. Okay, maybe I set it for 30 or 40 minutes to do housework. I kept going back and forth all morning so we each knew that we would get a turn to do what we wanted to do (or you know, at least had to do--I don't think of housework as play for me). I just love when I figure out a parenting success! I use the timer like this on days that I remember to, and it's those days that always seem to be much more fun and smooth. And on days I forget, she reminds me, "Can you set the timer?" Having this tool, makes it much easier for me to choose to play with Sweet Darling.
Now, when I was in childcare, this was easy peasy for me. I got paid, primarily, to play with kids one on one, sometimes 2 on one. Yes, I fed them and cleaned up after them, but mostly, we played. I was always good at child led playing too. I let them make up the rules of the games as we went. I let them lead the way to the playground, in which a 10 minute brisk walk turned into an hour and half of leisurely exploration, before playing at the playground. (I may get this from my mom, who turned every walk to the grocery store, bank or post office into and "adventure".) I happily played hide-and-seek for well over an hour, and could follow anyone's lead in any sort of animal or doll game that involved capturing and setting free over and over and over again. I was good at getting kids to laugh and laugh and I too had fun with them.
Then, I became a parent. And then, it all changed. I had so many responsibilities other than play, and I was no longer being paid by the hour to play. When my daughter was a baby, it was much easier to decide to play with her, as excitement was high about being new parents and neither Delightful Husband nor I cared much about keeping the house in tip top shape. But as Sweet Darling grew, and her idea of fun changed, and the new parent excitement started to wane, and the house started to need more attention, well, it was harder to just decide to play. A lot of people told me I should enroll in classes together, and get childcare, and sign up for as many things as I could to help pass the time and to help entertain my daughter. This was not the answer I was looking for. Not only could we not afford any of it, as I chose to be a stay at home mom, but also, my goal as a parent was not to simply keep my daughter entertained.
I also got lots of advice about leaving the house in order to focus on play, and not the house, which was useful, and we did (and still do), but Sweet Darling was looking for me to play with her in our house too.
A friend, who had older children, told me that what she does is use a kitchen timer. She sets it for a certain time and that is the time that she plays with her kids. Sounded great, so I gave it a try. It worked wonderfully! I knew there was an ending to the play, and therefore I could get into playing and enjoying myself with Sweet Darling. She had my loving attention and we started really enjoying each other. But sure enough, after I started doing house cleaning, or bills, or whatever I had to do, she was start to pull at me and want to go back to playing. I was torn. I wanted to play her all day long, but the house needed cleaning, food needed cooking and bills needed to be paid. Not to mention I love to sew and crochet and knit and needlefelt. How is a mother suppose to fit it all into a day? Well, I figured I could make the timer work for us. So I decided to set the timer for 20 or 30 minutes to play with Sweet Darling. Then I set it for 20 or 30 minutes for us to do housework together. Okay, maybe I set it for 30 or 40 minutes to do housework. I kept going back and forth all morning so we each knew that we would get a turn to do what we wanted to do (or you know, at least had to do--I don't think of housework as play for me). I just love when I figure out a parenting success! I use the timer like this on days that I remember to, and it's those days that always seem to be much more fun and smooth. And on days I forget, she reminds me, "Can you set the timer?" Having this tool, makes it much easier for me to choose to play with Sweet Darling.
Sweet Darling
I had called my daughter Sweet Pea from the time she was born. Even before we had officially named her. But recently she asked me "why do you call me sweet pea?" "I don't know exactly." I replied. And as I tried to come up with a better answer, she said, "Call me, Sweet Darling". And so, I do. Shouldn't she get to choose her nickname? I think so.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Finally started a blog
I have been parenting now for over three years. I have been encouraged by several friends to start a blog, but I never quite made the decision to do it, until now, somewhat on a whim.
I read only a few parenting books, as I really do believe we are our own experts in parenting. Connecting with my daughter, throughout the day has been my biggest goal. I am a big believer in closeness and listening and play with my daughter. I loved the book Hold On to Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate. And Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen, PhD. I also love the online journal Our Children, Ourselves, by Pamela Haines, and the online parenting resource Hand in Hand Parenting.
My daughter is only three, but I do plan on homeschooling her, to be able to make the most out of our time together during her childhood years. Our days are spent playing, listening, working and growing. In essence, we teach each other, and learn together how to make the most out of life.
I read only a few parenting books, as I really do believe we are our own experts in parenting. Connecting with my daughter, throughout the day has been my biggest goal. I am a big believer in closeness and listening and play with my daughter. I loved the book Hold On to Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate. And Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen, PhD. I also love the online journal Our Children, Ourselves, by Pamela Haines, and the online parenting resource Hand in Hand Parenting.
My daughter is only three, but I do plan on homeschooling her, to be able to make the most out of our time together during her childhood years. Our days are spent playing, listening, working and growing. In essence, we teach each other, and learn together how to make the most out of life.
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