Choosing To Play

I believe in adults playing with children. All children, of all ages, get more out of life if their parents, other family members, friends and/or caretakers play with them. Children depend on adults to take care of their needs. Food, water, shelter, clothes and, in my opinion, play. Children use play to figure out life. And what better way to connect with your kid, than through play?

Now, when I was in childcare, this was easy peasy for me. I got paid, primarily, to play with kids one on one, sometimes 2 on one. Yes, I fed them and cleaned up after them, but mostly, we played. I was always good at child led playing too. I let them make up the rules of the games as we went. I let them lead the way to the playground, in which a 10 minute brisk walk turned into an hour and half of leisurely exploration, before playing at the playground. (I may get this from my mom, who turned every walk to the grocery store, bank or post office into and "adventure".) I happily played hide-and-seek for well over an hour, and could follow anyone's lead in any sort of animal or doll game that involved capturing and setting free over and over and over again. I was good at getting kids to laugh and laugh and I too had fun with them.

Then, I became a parent. And then, it all changed. I had so many responsibilities other than play, and I was no longer being paid by the hour to play. When my daughter was a baby, it was much easier to decide to play with her, as excitement was high about being new parents and neither Delightful Husband nor I cared much about keeping the house in tip top shape. But as Sweet Darling grew, and her idea of fun changed, and the new parent excitement started to wane, and the house started to need more attention, well, it was harder to just decide to play. A lot of people told me I should enroll in classes together, and get childcare, and sign up for as many things as I could to help pass the time and to help entertain my daughter. This was not the answer I was looking for. Not only could we not afford any of it, as I chose to be a stay at home mom, but also, my goal as a parent was not to simply keep my daughter entertained.

I also got lots of advice about leaving the house in order to focus on play, and not the house, which was useful, and we did (and still do), but Sweet Darling was looking for me to play with her in our house too.

A friend, who had older children, told me that what she does is use a kitchen timer. She sets it for a certain time and that is the time that she plays with her kids. Sounded great, so I gave it a try. It worked wonderfully! I knew there was an ending to the play, and therefore I could get into playing and enjoying myself with Sweet Darling. She had my loving attention and we started really enjoying each other. But sure enough, after I started doing house cleaning, or bills, or whatever I had to do, she was start to pull at me and want to go back to playing. I was torn. I wanted to play her all day long, but the house needed cleaning, food needed cooking and bills needed to be paid. Not to mention I love to sew and crochet and knit and needlefelt. How is a mother suppose to fit it all into a day? Well, I figured I could make the timer work for us. So I decided to set the timer for 20 or 30 minutes to play with Sweet Darling. Then I set it for 20 or 30 minutes for us to do housework together. Okay, maybe I set it for 30 or 40 minutes to do housework. I kept going back and forth all morning so we each knew that we would get a turn to do what we wanted to do (or you know, at least had to do--I don't think of housework as play for me). I just love when I figure out a parenting success! I use the timer like this on days that I remember to, and it's those days that always seem to be much more fun and smooth. And on days I forget, she reminds me, "Can you set the timer?" Having this tool, makes it much easier for me to choose to play with Sweet Darling.