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A request for playing is an offer for praying

I am reminded today that young people pray through prayer. I do believe that I have mentioned that in this post. I am able to notice more and more how we are born wanting to live life in Present Time, which is the only place where Reality exists. But along the way, young people learn from being here on earth how to not live life fully in Present Time. I do believe this is a topic I'll be coming back to since there so much to it.

I went out for a while today, and as soon as I entered my Sweet Darling, who is now 4 years old, squealed and screamed with delight, "Do you wanna play a game?" As we sit down for dinner, "Do you wanna play a game?" and as we are getting ready for any transition: heading upstairs, saying hello or goodbye to anyone, bath time, bed time, the question is always there: "Do you wanna play a game?" The games are usually imagination roll playing kind of games, not board games or games with set rules (other than Sweet Darling winning). And often they are let-me-know-that-you-want-me-games, like tag, freeze tag and hide-and-seek. where the object is for Sweet Darling to be in charge of how things go, and to laugh a lot and see her parent(s) searching for her with excitement and following any rule that she throws at us.

It occurs to me again today how children use playing, laughing and crying as a way to pray and meditate. A way to wash away any less-than-perfect experiences, to leave them in Present Time afterward. They know exactly how to heal themselves after getting hurt, if all we do is to stay Present with them and now shush them, and to allow them to feel and release as they go, so they don't get stuck.

Young people are brilliant. Sweet Darling's constant request for me to play with her, and for me to turn any task into a playful experience is her offering me the chance to pray with her all day long, staying out of my nonsense thinking, and in Present Time with her and God and to live my life in a prayerful, playful way.

Okay, I get that. But I don't always want to turn every task/chore into a playful experience, but I think that I want my life to be prayerful. Hmmmm. Sometimes I get hooked into the ideas of lack of time and lack of infinite ability. Sometimes we are running late. Sometimes I've had a rough day. But if I take it moment to moment, day by day and decide Right Now to stay Present, Playful and Prayerful, then it isn't so bad. Again, those are the moments I usually decide to have a meditative, releasing cry, with a friend on the phone, or with God and me alone, or while journaling. When I have having trouble noticing how wonderful my life is I know it's time to release something, and often when that something bubbles up, it takes some crying and laughing to give it it's final cleansing push out. Then being a Prayerful Playful Parent isn't as hard--it starts to feel good and make sense. It makes sense to live a life connected to God, and therefore, it makes sense to live a life connected to people. It makes sense that our young people want to be constantly connected to us, and it makes sense that they constantly are trying to make everything in our lives play.

Distractions

Have you ever noticed that sometimes you can get distracted from actively parenting? I have. I often let those old patterns do the talking, and I find myself being somewhat robotic, or at least, not enthusiastic with my daughter. Sometimes I catch myself earlier than other times. I have used being stoic as a shield for a good chunk of my life, and after giving birth, I realized how that just wasn't the kind of parent that I wanted to be. That I wanted to show my Sweet Darling that life was meant to be lived and enjoyed, not simply a thing to get through and survive.

I have done many things to not let myself get so distracted from the present. But mostly what I have found to to work the most is to actually meditate everyday. I do my best to meditate every morning and evening. It sets me up for a more relaxed day, where I am connected to an infinite source of life and vitality--God.

And when I'm having a time where I'm getting distracted during the day, distracted from Reality, from all the good that is my life, I stop and I meditate (sometimes with Sweet Darling asking, "Why are you ignoring me?" over and over, and I just let her know lovingly that it's time for me to mediate and talk to God) and ask God for a miracle--to get me present and into reality--which exists only right now. Often, I find that I am in need of some sort of release. As Marianne Williamson talks about in her book Everyday Grace it's important to feel your feelings as they come up. Don't avoid feelings sad or scared or disappointed. Let yourself stay put and really really feel what is there, then let it go. When I am getting really distracted away from Present Time, it's usually because I am avoiding feeling something. So I stop, I meditate, and often I cry or laugh a lot until the (old, stuck) feeling that I was avoiding no longer is pulling on me. It's gone. The noticing, staying, and facing it was brave enough, but then to cry and/or laugh my way through it, actually dissolves the old hurt feelings more quickly and thoroughly. Then, I am left with God, my daughter, and my life, in Present Time, where all is well, and I am not alone, and there is no longer a pull to be distracted.

And Don't Forget God!

We were recently at a friend's house for a homeschooling playgroup. Our children are all varied in ages from 2 years through 7 years old. All of us are spiritual mommas, and have a deep love for God, though our specific ideas of God may vary.

As the group was coming to an end, we staying late to eat lunch with the host family. We two mommas were making peanut butter and honey sandwiches for our kiddos. Then the other mom when to tidy up a bit, in the other room, as I finished in the kitchen, as she was getting ready for a birthday party for her eldest daughter. We had hurried through lunch, sort of by accident, since everyone was so hungry, that we had forgotten to pray before eating. (I still wasn't noticing this at this point.) I called out to my friend B. "Thank you so much B. for providing food for us for our lunch. I really appreciate it!" (I'm still forgetting God here....but my daughter isn't.) My daughter (The not quite 4 and a half year old) calls out, "And don't forget God!". Oh my! "Yes!" us moms call out together. "Let's not forget God. Thank you God for providing us with food." Amen daughter! Thank you!

I am so grateful that though I do my best to bring God into our daily activities, I forget something. But my daughter gets it, and wants it.

Staying Present while Playing

One of the reasons I think of parenting as a meditation is because of the similar feeling I get when meditating and when playing. I think play is the main way that children pray. They are already connected to God, and use play to work out their hardships in order to stay present and connected to God and to other humans.

I struggle with meditating. My mind wanders, I notice it wandering and I bring it back to the present, to my breath or whatever I am focusing on at the moment. I don't hate myself for having a mind that wanders, I like Pema Chodron's idea of when you notice yourself thinking so simply say "thinking" with the gentleness of the touch of a feather (or bubble?) (obviously, I'm paraphrasing) in order to bring yourself back to the now, with lovingkindness for yourself, rather than using meditation as another way to beat yourself up.

Well, I believe in playing WITH your child(ren). I believe that young people (and all people for that matter) do better with some loving attention from each other. We are all connected, and it is through present-time connection that we can really notice that. But playing with my Sweet Darling, is not always what I'd consider "fun". I have been known to avoid it, much like I have been known to avoid meditating. There are SO many things on my list that HAVE to get done before I can play or meditate. And that list never gets done. And my life goes better when I just do it, even if it is only for a short period of time. I use a timer for both meditating and playing, so that I can not have worry in the back of my head pulling my attention away. The timer is set, and I can now choose to be present for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 30 minutes 45 minutes or an hour (to be honest, that rarely happens that I play for an hours straight with perfect attention). And when I choose to be present in play, I allow myself to get swept up in the play, just like I would have allowed myself to as a child. As a young person, I would have more than allowed myself to get swept up in the play, that was the entire purpose of the play, to be there, in it, completely absorbed, a hundred percent. To be completely present while playing, which then allows things to bubble up: feeling lonely, feeling a lack of power because I am young and big people make most my decisions for me, feeling scared or confused about any number of things.

Play allows those feelings to bubble up, and then we got to play about them and release them, so that the did not become lodged into us. I think this process happens even more perfectly with the loving attention of a playful parent who understands what you are doing, and jumps in and leaves judgment and analysis out and just plays with you in present time. I think this is what God does with us--God just stays present with us and offers us unconditional loving attention, and we make great use of it, when we choose to notice it and connect with it--so do our kids. They connect with God through us, as well as with us.

Do grown-ups need to play?

This is, of course a question that my daughter asked me quite a few months ago. Obviously, I haven't posted in quite a while, for whatever reasons. But, this is a question that really stuck with me. She's a smart person. She notices that adults have trouble playing. And specifically, we have trouble playing WITH young people.

"Yes", I replied to her, "but the often forget that." She is good at reminding me about staying present, and about working out and releasing our problems as they are happening, or as soon as possible. She likes to work things out through play, preferably, with loving, active, attention from a loving adult, often (but not always nor only) me.

One of the major themes of her life is missing her Papa. I am blessed to be a stay at home parent. Her father is blessed to have a job that supplies us with the money that we use to live here on planet Earth, and to live the life we live together. And yes, she (we) wishes that he could be home with us all the time, (and have money). So we play games where he's home, and we talk to him, and answer for him. We just started doing this around the time Aminah asked me this question, (last spring, I think). So one morning, we played a lot in bed before coming down for breakfast. I was really hungry. Aminah was wanting to play something and I was wanting to eat, but not cook, and then go and do something that I wanted and needed to do before starting to play with her. She kept insisting that I play with her, and I applaud her for not giving up on what she thinks is important (I mean this most sincerely, though sometimes it makes it more challenging to deal with). So I got angry, and said "NO" urgently and lacking warmth and love. She looked really hurt, and I caught myself. "How about we play about this instead of me getting mad?" (a pattern of mine that we could all do without). So I yelled out to the kitchen, "Hey Papa! Please make me and Aminah some breakfast, so I can play with her and not worry about how long it will take to make breakfast!" which really helped me to playfully explain to her why I had lost my temper (I had been worrying about feeling hungry and the time it took to make eggs--which yes, I know is fairly quick, but not always when you let your feelings get in the way of reality.). We both started laughing. She yelled something out to him too, but I forget what just now. The entire situation turned around. I came back to present time, all through play. We got to play while making and eating breakfast, then we figured out the rest of our morning with a more loving and playful tone.

Yes, grown ups need to play too, and they do tend to forget how helpful genuine play can heal and help bring us into the present moment.

Why does God make bumpy roads?

I kept trying to explain that God doesn't make roads, God inspires people to make them. Or other responses like this. But she continued, "Why does God make ........." and it finally occurred to me, that maybe she was right. Isn't God in all of us? Isn't God in everything? Maybe it is God who makes roads and toys and books and movies.

She continues to refer to God as "the maker of e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g." No, those aren't her words, but she always asks "Why did God make______ like this?"

It got me thinking about while I believe God is everywhere, I guess I don't actually believe it the way Sweet Darling does. She's just more universal about it. I have learned how people do hard work and make things. I don't want to think about God being in plastic, or even, gasp, giving God credit for my hard work.

But I have started to. I have started to look at everything, everything, as God. I have started thanking God for everything (everything), all day long. Thank you God for these bumpy roads, my car, traffic jams, long lines, the plastic wrapper that my junk mail came in today, the rubber band that the mail carrier uses everyday, the rottting carrots that got lost in the fridge, the cat's puke on the already stained rug, as well as for the more obvious, happier things (good friends, wonderful family, good food to eat, etc.) It has been helping me to feel less and less alone. I crave less and less alone time, because I see myself actually surrounded by God and God's blessings everywhere, all day long.

It does, after all, make sense to not feel a lone all the time. We are not alone, even if we are not with people. Even if you don't believe in "GOD the Almighty", we are still always covered in bacteria, surrounded by microbes, and energy. Perhaps seeing God in EVERYTHING is part of the key to feeling with God at all times.

How do you remember to feel connected to God?