Harmony Parenting

I'm moving my blog to Wordpress!

2010-09-09T22:26:00.001-04:00

I've gotten complaints about not being able to easily subscribe to this blog.
After trying a few things, I decided to simply transfer this blog over to wordpress, where it's just a little more simple to do.

So head over to my new address and I'll see you there!

http://harmonyparenting.wordpress.com/

A request for playing is an offer for praying

2010-09-06T20:32:00.003-04:00

I am reminded today that young people pray through prayer. I do believe that I have mentioned that in this post. I am able to notice more and more how we are born wanting to live life in Present Time, which is the only place where Reality exists. But along the way, young people learn from being here on earth how to not live life fully in Present Time. I do believe this is a topic I'll be coming back to since there so much to it.

I went out for a while today, and as soon as I entered my Sweet Darling, who is now 4 years old, squealed and screamed with delight, "Do you wanna play a game?" As we sit down for dinner, "Do you wanna play a game?" and as we are getting ready for any transition: heading upstairs, saying hello or goodbye to anyone, bath time, bed time, the question is always there: "Do you wanna play a game?" The games are usually imagination roll playing kind of games, not board games or games with set rules (other than Sweet Darling winning). And often they are let-me-know-that-you-want-me-games, like tag, freeze tag and hide-and-seek. where the object is for Sweet Darling to be in charge of how things go, and to laugh a lot and see her parent(s) searching for her with excitement and following any rule that she throws at us.

It occurs to me again today how children use playing, laughing and crying as a way to pray and meditate. A way to wash away any less-than-perfect experiences, to leave them in Present Time afterward. They know exactly how to heal themselves after getting hurt, if all we do is to stay Present with them and now shush them, and to allow them to feel and release as they go, so they don't get stuck.

Young people are brilliant. Sweet Darling's constant request for me to play with her, and for me to turn any task into a playful experience is her offering me the chance to pray with her all day long, staying out of my nonsense thinking, and in Present Time with her and God and to live my life in a prayerful, playful way.

Okay, I get that. But I don't always want to turn every task/chore into a playful experience, but I think that I want my life to be prayerful. Hmmmm. Sometimes I get hooked into the ideas of lack of time and lack of infinite ability. Sometimes we are running late. Sometimes I've had a rough day. But if I take it moment to moment, day by day and decide Right Now to stay Present, Playful and Prayerful, then it isn't so bad. Again, those are the moments I usually decide to have a meditative, releasing cry, with a friend on the phone, or with God and me alone, or while journaling. When I have having trouble noticing how wonderful my life is I know it's time to release something, and often when that something bubbles up, it takes some crying and laughing to give it it's final cleansing push out. Then being a Prayerful Playful Parent isn't as hard--it starts to feel good and make sense. It makes sense to live a life connected to God, and therefore, it makes sense to live a life connected to people. It makes sense that our young people want to be constantly connected to us, and it makes sense that they constantly are trying to make everything in our lives play.

Distractions

2010-09-05T19:52:00.000-04:00

Have you ever noticed that sometimes you can get distracted from actively parenting? I have. I often let those old patterns do the talking, and I find myself being somewhat robotic, or at least, not enthusiastic with my daughter. Sometimes I catch myself earlier than other times. I have used being stoic as a shield for a good chunk of my life, and after giving birth, I realized how that just wasn't the kind of parent that I wanted to be. That I wanted to show my Sweet Darling that life was meant to be lived and enjoyed, not simply a thing to get through and survive.

I have done many things to not let myself get so distracted from the present. But mostly what I have found to to work the most is to actually meditate everyday. I do my best to meditate every morning and evening. It sets me up for a more relaxed day, where I am connected to an infinite source of life and vitality--God.

And when I'm having a time where I'm getting distracted during the day, distracted from Reality, from all the good that is my life, I stop and I meditate (sometimes with Sweet Darling asking, "Why are you ignoring me?" over and over, and I just let her know lovingly that it's time for me to mediate and talk to God) and ask God for a miracle--to get me present and into reality--which exists only right now. Often, I find that I am in need of some sort of release. As Marianne Williamson talks about in her book Everyday Grace it's important to feel your feelings as they come up. Don't avoid feelings sad or scared or disappointed. Let yourself stay put and really really feel what is there, then let it go. When I am getting really distracted away from Present Time, it's usually because I am avoiding feeling something. So I stop, I meditate, and often I cry or laugh a lot until the (old, stuck) feeling that I was avoiding no longer is pulling on me. It's gone. The noticing, staying, and facing it was brave enough, but then to cry and/or laugh my way through it, actually dissolves the old hurt feelings more quickly and thoroughly. Then, I am left with God, my daughter, and my life, in Present Time, where all is well, and I am not alone, and there is no longer a pull to be distracted.

And Don't Forget God!

2010-08-25T17:14:00.003-04:00

We were recently at a friend's house for a homeschooling playgroup. Our children are all varied in ages from 2 years through 7 years old. All of us are spiritual mommas, and have a deep love for God, though our specific ideas of God may vary.

As the group was coming to an end, we staying late to eat lunch with the host family. We two mommas were making peanut butter and honey sandwiches for our kiddos. Then the other mom when to tidy up a bit, in the other room, as I finished in the kitchen, as she was getting ready for a birthday party for her eldest daughter. We had hurried through lunch, sort of by accident, since everyone was so hungry, that we had forgotten to pray before eating. (I still wasn't noticing this at this point.) I called out to my friend B. "Thank you so much B. for providing food for us for our lunch. I really appreciate it!" (I'm still forgetting God here....but my daughter isn't.) My daughter (The not quite 4 and a half year old) calls out, "And don't forget God!". Oh my! "Yes!" us moms call out together. "Let's not forget God. Thank you God for providing us with food." Amen daughter! Thank you!

I am so grateful that though I do my best to bring God into our daily activities, I forget something. But my daughter gets it, and wants it.

Staying Present while Playing

2010-08-06T19:31:00.004-04:00

One of the reasons I think of parenting as a meditation is because of the similar feeling I get when meditating and when playing. I think play is the main way that children pray. They are already connected to God, and use play to work out their hardships in order to stay present and connected to God and to other humans.

I struggle with meditating. My mind wanders, I notice it wandering and I bring it back to the present, to my breath or whatever I am focusing on at the moment. I don't hate myself for having a mind that wanders, I like Pema Chodron's idea of when you notice yourself thinking so simply say "thinking" with the gentleness of the touch of a feather (or bubble?) (obviously, I'm paraphrasing) in order to bring yourself back to the now, with lovingkindness for yourself, rather than using meditation as another way to beat yourself up.

Well, I believe in playing WITH your child(ren). I believe that young people (and all people for that matter) do better with some loving attention from each other. We are all connected, and it is through present-time connection that we can really notice that. But playing with my Sweet Darling, is not always what I'd consider "fun". I have been known to avoid it, much like I have been known to avoid meditating. There are SO many things on my list that HAVE to get done before I can play or meditate. And that list never gets done. And my life goes better when I just do it, even if it is only for a short period of time. I use a timer for both meditating and playing, so that I can not have worry in the back of my head pulling my attention away. The timer is set, and I can now choose to be present for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 30 minutes 45 minutes or an hour (to be honest, that rarely happens that I play for an hours straight with perfect attention). And when I choose to be present in play, I allow myself to get swept up in the play, just like I would have allowed myself to as a child. As a young person, I would have more than allowed myself to get swept up in the play, that was the entire purpose of the play, to be there, in it, completely absorbed, a hundred percent. To be completely present while playing, which then allows things to bubble up: feeling lonely, feeling a lack of power because I am young and big people make most my decisions for me, feeling scared or confused about any number of things.

Play allows those feelings to bubble up, and then we got to play about them and release them, so that the did not become lodged into us. I think this process happens even more perfectly with the loving attention of a playful parent who understands what you are doing, and jumps in and leaves judgment and analysis out and just plays with you in present time. I think this is what God does with us--God just stays present with us and offers us unconditional loving attention, and we make great use of it, when we choose to notice it and connect with it--so do our kids. They connect with God through us, as well as with us.

Do grown-ups need to play?

2010-08-05T21:42:00.003-04:00

This is, of course a question that my daughter asked me quite a few months ago. Obviously, I haven't posted in quite a while, for whatever reasons. But, this is a question that really stuck with me. She's a smart person. She notices that adults have trouble playing. And specifically, we have trouble playing WITH young people.

"Yes", I replied to her, "but the often forget that." She is good at reminding me about staying present, and about working out and releasing our problems as they are happening, or as soon as possible. She likes to work things out through play, preferably, with loving, active, attention from a loving adult, often (but not always nor only) me.

One of the major themes of her life is missing her Papa. I am blessed to be a stay at home parent. Her father is blessed to have a job that supplies us with the money that we use to live here on planet Earth, and to live the life we live together. And yes, she (we) wishes that he could be home with us all the time, (and have money). So we play games where he's home, and we talk to him, and answer for him. We just started doing this around the time Aminah asked me this question, (last spring, I think). So one morning, we played a lot in bed before coming down for breakfast. I was really hungry. Aminah was wanting to play something and I was wanting to eat, but not cook, and then go and do something that I wanted and needed to do before starting to play with her. She kept insisting that I play with her, and I applaud her for not giving up on what she thinks is important (I mean this most sincerely, though sometimes it makes it more challenging to deal with). So I got angry, and said "NO" urgently and lacking warmth and love. She looked really hurt, and I caught myself. "How about we play about this instead of me getting mad?" (a pattern of mine that we could all do without). So I yelled out to the kitchen, "Hey Papa! Please make me and Aminah some breakfast, so I can play with her and not worry about how long it will take to make breakfast!" which really helped me to playfully explain to her why I had lost my temper (I had been worrying about feeling hungry and the time it took to make eggs--which yes, I know is fairly quick, but not always when you let your feelings get in the way of reality.). We both started laughing. She yelled something out to him too, but I forget what just now. The entire situation turned around. I came back to present time, all through play. We got to play while making and eating breakfast, then we figured out the rest of our morning with a more loving and playful tone.

Yes, grown ups need to play too, and they do tend to forget how helpful genuine play can heal and help bring us into the present moment.

Why does God make bumpy roads?

2009-10-04T10:05:00.003-04:00

I kept trying to explain that God doesn't make roads, God inspires people to make them. Or other responses like this. But she continued, "Why does God make ........." and it finally occurred to me, that maybe she was right. Isn't God in all of us? Isn't God in everything? Maybe it is God who makes roads and toys and books and movies.

She continues to refer to God as "the maker of e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g." No, those aren't her words, but she always asks "Why did God make______ like this?"

It got me thinking about while I believe God is everywhere, I guess I don't actually believe it the way Sweet Darling does. She's just more universal about it. I have learned how people do hard work and make things. I don't want to think about God being in plastic, or even, gasp, giving God credit for my hard work.

But I have started to. I have started to look at everything, everything, as God. I have started thanking God for everything (everything), all day long. Thank you God for these bumpy roads, my car, traffic jams, long lines, the plastic wrapper that my junk mail came in today, the rubber band that the mail carrier uses everyday, the rottting carrots that got lost in the fridge, the cat's puke on the already stained rug, as well as for the more obvious, happier things (good friends, wonderful family, good food to eat, etc.) It has been helping me to feel less and less alone. I crave less and less alone time, because I see myself actually surrounded by God and God's blessings everywhere, all day long.

It does, after all, make sense to not feel a lone all the time. We are not alone, even if we are not with people. Even if you don't believe in "GOD the Almighty", we are still always covered in bacteria, surrounded by microbes, and energy. Perhaps seeing God in EVERYTHING is part of the key to feeling with God at all times.

How do you remember to feel connected to God?

listening to your inner voice = listening to your child

2009-10-03T21:47:00.005-04:00

You know how sometimes you hear your inner voice directing you to do something that makes you a little uncomfortable, but you do it anyway? Sometimes, I think, it's the same with listening to the young people in our lives. Sometimes I let Sweet Darling make decisions for herself that most parents I know wouldn't. For instance, I rarely make her wear shoes, unless we're going into a building that requires them. Maybe she is more connected to Mother Earth this way. Maybe she lives life better with her feet free and unbound in anyway. Maybe she loves they way the ground feels under her soft feet and between her toes. Maybe I'll never know. Maybe, I don't have to know. Susun Weed the herbalist rarely wears shoes. Not all people in this world wear shoes, and it's not just because they are poor.

Maybe listening to Sweet Darling in that same way that I listen to my inner wisdom is a little scary and uncomfortable, but maybe it's the smart thing to do. I am inspired by her to have a bigger life that is not dictated by the random rules of the society. I can trust her to make smart decisions for herself, and she learns this trust about herself as well. This is very inspiring.

Living my life, with my child.

2009-10-03T20:17:00.007-04:00

I have been making many changes in my life lately. I have reintroduced exercising, praying, and meditating into my life on a daily basis. There is such a common belief amongst parents that they can't do anything when their kids are around. If they try to do anything "quiet or calm" then their kids crawl all over them. They can't shower when their kids are awake because they scream or don't leave them alone or whatever. They can't cook or garden or sew or whatever, because their kids will...............whatever, you fill in the blank.

But what if, we could?

I have been known to fall victim to this common idea also, but I have been pushing myself to move beyond it into reality. I have been wondering......
What if it wasn't all our kids' fault that our lives get put on hold?
What if, our lives don't get put on hold, but get transformed?
What if we change the way we think about parenting and who we are and who these young people are in our lives now and forevermore?

So I have started doing yoga and pilates with my daughter, who is 3 and not interested AT.ALL. in yoga or pilates. Yes, she pulls me, yes, she climbs on me, yes she lays under me. So what? I think about all these books and support systems out there about connecting to our babies -- breastfeeding them, wearing them (to have them be there right with us, when we live life), bed-sharing or co-sleeping, massaging them and just generally adoring them as much as we can. (Tangent coming up here) I remember reading Pee Wee Pilates right after having my daughter and I loved it, because it lovingly talked about the balance between nurturing ourselves and nurturing our babies. It lovingly talked about loving our bodies and taking time to take care of ourselves. It lovingly gave ideas about how to do pilates with your baby on you and next to you. So many of the other post-partum pilates books were all written in a subtly harsh tone, disguised as 'pep', about women hating their bodies and getting them back in shape as quickly as possible, and doing it alone, because mom's deserve alone time. I don't deny that we deserve alone time, I just didn't like the internalized- self-hatred-of-one's-bodies and the death-grip-approach-to-keeping-the-"old-you"-alive-and-active tone of the other books. Okay, the internalized-sexism rant ends here.

My original idea here is that we, in the attachment parenting community, are supported in lavishing attention on our babies, but as soon as they turn 2, there is still such a conventional put-your-kids-in-their-place idea still overshadowing everything, just without the spanking or intentional yelling. Why not embrace all of our children's stages? Embrace them being 2 or 3 or whatever age they are? Why not embrace them, and live our lives with them?

So yes, I now take time every day to do pilates or yoga, prayers and meditation and this is still, slow, "quiet" time for me. (For me, "quiet time" refers to quieting my mind, not my daughter).
Yes, she is there, living her life with me. Yes, we look like we have different agendas (me wanting to do still-quiet-peaceful-awakening-practices, and she wants to play with me). However, I believe that we actually have the same agenda here: to connect. To connect to our spirits, to connect to each other, to connect with God.

I think that kids easily always stay connected to God, if allowed to by the adults in their lives, and eventually because of various reasons, we learn to disconnect. Sweet Darling talks about God all day long, "Thank you God for this dolly. Why did God make the roads bumpy? Why did God make scary movies?" I want to write about this more, but I'll save that for another post. The point is, she is still in reality, loving God and all people easily most of the time. She easily makes new friends and calls strangers friends. She has her uneasy feelings too, of feeling shy or scared or unsure, but she voices these feelings, sometimes cries or screams to push them out of her, and then moves on with living life.

Why do I want to do these practices with her? Because I live my life with my daughter. Because I don't want to keep my life and my beliefs and my practices a secret from her. Because I want to show her who I am. Because I want to share what is important to me with her. Because I want to learn from her. Maybe she can shed some light onto my practices.

Last week, I was doing prayers, and she was really acting silly and pulling on me and talking lots of silliness and laughing and running around me and I got really, really annoyed. I said something to her to make her stop, and now that I am reflecting on this, to "put her in her place", so that I could focus (not something that I technically believe in doing, but something that happens from time to time). But after contemplating this, I realized that I get really serious when praying. I get really heavy and serious and tight and.....weird and isolated, when approaching God. I grew up in a highly religious household that happened to have a lot of various kinds of abuse going on. I have learned how to forgive the past and how to establish a new relationship with God and with life and how to make loving God and myself and people my choice. But I still fear God like a little child afraid of one's parent who is sometimes loving, and sometimes confusingly cruel. I can see now that my parents lacked support and understanding and they did they best they could. But I still have residue left with my ideas of God. What if I pray wrong, or I don't repent appropriately or I am not focused or whatever, and God decides to punish me? I consciously have been shifting these ideas to believe in a loving God, but still, when I pray, I get s.e.r.i.o.u.s.

Maybe my loving daughter, the one who wants to play while I pray, is not trying to annoy me, but trying to get me to lighten up, to love God and remember God with a smile and a laugh and with every action I take? What if she plays they way she does with me when I am practicing my faith through prayer, meditation or body awareness exercises, because she loves me and God? Because she knows how to connect effortlessly and often? What if she is trying to remind me that in order to stay connected to God, that means I get to stay connected to her and myself and other people as well? What if she is trying to show me that connecting to God and life and love is easier and more joyful than I realize? Does it make sense to hurt my daughter's feelings, to stop her from connecting and to push her away while I am trying to better myself through some sort of spiritual practice? No. It doesn't.

I am no angel, and this is not easy for me. But I have faith that in continuing to try to live my life fully, openly and lovingly with my Sweet Darling, that my life, will continue to improve and that I will have an easier time staying connected. It's a practice worth doing daily.

What do I mean by all of this?

2009-10-03T20:04:00.004-04:00

I haven't been writing here in a while. I guess I got busy with other things, I got nervous about putting my voice out there and I've had some issues with my computer ever since a huge thunderstorm. But here I am, back at it, and re-inspired.

What do I mean by parenting as a meditation? I was just throwing some new fabric into the washer to make Sweet Darling a couple super hero capes and I started thinking about this blog. What do I even mean by meditation? Well, meditation is a time to be quiet, to be relaxed, to be focused, to listen to inner wisdom, to listen to the Divine. It's a time that one chooses to take for oneself, on purpose, and with purpose. When people devote themselves to meditating, they aim to do it daily (or at least regularly). There are all types of meditations and all kinds of people doing it. People meditate to quiet their thoughts, to remember who they are and to collect themselves. To connect to God or the collective consciousness or to some other sort of spiritual feeling. To remember truth. To listen. To improve the quality of their lives. To deepen their understanding of life and how to live it. Well, these ideas are among my reasons for parenting and how to parent.

I think children have a way to help us connect to the spirit world. They are so close to the spirit world. They come to us knowing how to connect and wanting to stay connected. We, as adults, have learned how to disconnect from each other, from spirit, from God, from ourselves, from just being. We learn this, by watching the adults in our lives and the world around us. It's no one's fault, it just seems to be what has been happening for some time.

Well, meditating is a way to bring us back to present, to now, to truth. Parenting can do just the same thing if we let it. Staying present while our mind wants to run in a million directions isn't easy and there are so many techniques for quiet meditation to help improve this calming of the mind. But what about parents? Quiet? Well, I don't strive for a quiet home, I believe in making noise and in allowing children to make noise. But I do like to quiet to old thoughts, the reactionary thoughts, that want to jump out of my mouth (and sometimes do), to tell Sweet Darling about how to live, how to think, what to do, when to do things, how to change herself to be more liked by the general public, how to express herself, when to express herself, etc... I just tell my mind to quiet. What if we don't have to make every moment and "teaching moment"? What if we believe that our children are learning no-matter-what, and we simply allow that? Or even, what if we believe our children are complete human beings, with something to add, to teach us, to show us, how to just be? What if we allow ourselves to learn from them about how to stay more present and centered and connected?

I find that many parents want alone time to think and meditate and be quiet. What if alone time isn't necessary? What if we can find this in the day to day, with our children? What if we can use time with our children to be relaxed, focused, attentive, open, receptive, connected and peaceful? What if we can find peace during really active, connected, loud, play? What if we push our kids away less, and learn to really just be, with them? What if we allow time with our children to transform us and better our lives, just like we aim to get from meditation? I think that if we keep quieting our minds, opening our hearts, and staying in the now, then time with children can improve our lives in more ways than we could ever imagine.

I want to be with you because I love you!

2009-07-21T22:09:00.007-04:00

Of course, right? I say this to my daughter when she asks me why am I with her. (Why she asks is because she sees and hears about so many kids being alone or without their parents)

And now she follows me around saying this to me. We turn it into a song as well, "I love you and so I want to be with you". The tune and exact lyrics seem to change from day to day, but the idea is there.

I have had the tendency in my past to be quite independent, not wanting intruders in my life uninvited. I would feel bogged down, or annoyed to have someone follow me around just to be with me. I would feel watched, judged or like I was supposed to entertain. I admit, some of these feelings have come up for me as a parent, but then, I remember, my goals of connection, togetherness, and being present.

I intend to stay present, and therefore connected to God at all times. I think it makes sense to do my best to stay connected to God's creatures as well. I think it makes sense to say close to other humans, "just because".

I also believe that many of us are urged to become independent from quite an early age. It's very respected to have a baby and/or toddler that doesn't cry, doesn't ask for much, and is content to play by him or herself. Most people train their babies and young children to be okay being on their own, to sleep alone, play alone, sooth themselves when they get hurt or upset. I think this is a wasted opportunity for closeness and for getting to really know each other. I have consciously decided to stay close to her and to use having a child as an opportunity to figure out closeness in general with other people, animals and God.

God (or the Universe, or however you think of this Great Presence) is always with us because God loves us. Period. No other reason. Why not do our best to mimic this and not try to figure out how to be alone so often. Why not just be near someone because we can? I choose to keep trying this and see what happens. I choose to know that I am loved and that I am loving, just because I am. My daughter helps me to remember this.

Choosing To Play

2009-07-20T16:45:00.000-04:00

I believe in adults playing with children. All children, of all ages, get more out of life if their parents, other family members, friends and/or caretakers play with them. Children depend on adults to take care of their needs. Food, water, shelter, clothes and, in my opinion, play. Children use play to figure out life. And what better way to connect with your kid, than through play?

Now, when I was in childcare, this was easy peasy for me. I got paid, primarily, to play with kids one on one, sometimes 2 on one. Yes, I fed them and cleaned up after them, but mostly, we played. I was always good at child led playing too. I let them make up the rules of the games as we went. I let them lead the way to the playground, in which a 10 minute brisk walk turned into an hour and half of leisurely exploration, before playing at the playground. (I may get this from my mom, who turned every walk to the grocery store, bank or post office into and "adventure".) I happily played hide-and-seek for well over an hour, and could follow anyone's lead in any sort of animal or doll game that involved capturing and setting free over and over and over again. I was good at getting kids to laugh and laugh and I too had fun with them.

Then, I became a parent. And then, it all changed. I had so many responsibilities other than play, and I was no longer being paid by the hour to play. When my daughter was a baby, it was much easier to decide to play with her, as excitement was high about being new parents and neither Delightful Husband nor I cared much about keeping the house in tip top shape. But as Sweet Darling grew, and her idea of fun changed, and the new parent excitement started to wane, and the house started to need more attention, well, it was harder to just decide to play. A lot of people told me I should enroll in classes together, and get childcare, and sign up for as many things as I could to help pass the time and to help entertain my daughter. This was not the answer I was looking for. Not only could we not afford any of it, as I chose to be a stay at home mom, but also, my goal as a parent was not to simply keep my daughter entertained.

I also got lots of advice about leaving the house in order to focus on play, and not the house, which was useful, and we did (and still do), but Sweet Darling was looking for me to play with her in our house too.

A friend, who had older children, told me that what she does is use a kitchen timer. She sets it for a certain time and that is the time that she plays with her kids. Sounded great, so I gave it a try. It worked wonderfully! I knew there was an ending to the play, and therefore I could get into playing and enjoying myself with Sweet Darling. She had my loving attention and we started really enjoying each other. But sure enough, after I started doing house cleaning, or bills, or whatever I had to do, she was start to pull at me and want to go back to playing. I was torn. I wanted to play her all day long, but the house needed cleaning, food needed cooking and bills needed to be paid. Not to mention I love to sew and crochet and knit and needlefelt. How is a mother suppose to fit it all into a day? Well, I figured I could make the timer work for us. So I decided to set the timer for 20 or 30 minutes to play with Sweet Darling. Then I set it for 20 or 30 minutes for us to do housework together. Okay, maybe I set it for 30 or 40 minutes to do housework. I kept going back and forth all morning so we each knew that we would get a turn to do what we wanted to do (or you know, at least had to do--I don't think of housework as play for me). I just love when I figure out a parenting success! I use the timer like this on days that I remember to, and it's those days that always seem to be much more fun and smooth. And on days I forget, she reminds me, "Can you set the timer?" Having this tool, makes it much easier for me to choose to play with Sweet Darling.

Sweet Darling

2009-07-20T13:16:00.001-04:00

I had called my daughter Sweet Pea from the time she was born. Even before we had officially named her. But recently she asked me "why do you call me sweet pea?" "I don't know exactly." I replied. And as I tried to come up with a better answer, she said, "Call me, Sweet Darling". And so, I do. Shouldn't she get to choose her nickname? I think so.

Finally started a blog

2009-07-19T21:50:00.001-04:00

I have been parenting now for over three years. I have been encouraged by several friends to start a blog, but I never quite made the decision to do it, until now, somewhat on a whim.

I read only a few parenting books, as I really do believe we are our own experts in parenting. Connecting with my daughter, throughout the day has been my biggest goal. I am a big believer in closeness and listening and play with my daughter. I loved the book Hold On to Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate. And Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen, PhD. I also love the online journal Our Children, Ourselves, by Pamela Haines, and the online parenting resource Hand in Hand Parenting.

My daughter is only three, but I do plan on homeschooling her, to be able to make the most out of our time together during her childhood years. Our days are spent playing, listening, working and growing. In essence, we teach each other, and learn together how to make the most out of life.